Insecurities, Rejecting the Algorithm, & Focused Listening
Sunday (Monday) Reset: #3
👋 Welcome to this week’s Sunday Reset – where I provide you with 1 quote, 1 idea, & 1 article to either end your current week or start your upcoming week with something new.
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Yesterday was a traveling day, so I wasn’t able to finish writing in time (sorry 😅).
I’ll be back on my regular time schedule for next week 😊
This week’s reset:
Quote: Insecurities and figuring it all out.
Idea: You should be listening harder.
Article: Reject the algorithm.
🚨 One quote:
If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself.
You are better than you think.
— Tim Ferriss (author and podcaster)
Everyone has their moments of insecurity and this is something that I try to keep in mind when I have mine.
Especially in an era dominated by the internet, it is almost too easy to compare yourself to the competition. This feeling of competition can be a good short-term motivation, however, over the long-term, what matters is your individual compounding growth.
I’ve thought a lot about this since I graduated. I used to think that as we move through the stages in our lives, we start to “figure things out”, which is true in some sense…
However, 99% of the time, everyone is just winging it as they go.
Just remember when you’re winging it, to wing it 150% 😉
Key takeaway: work hard, but be nice to yourself while doing it 🙌
💡 One idea
Focused listening
How often are you “hearing” instead of “listening”?
This can apply to any situation — personal or professional — but directly applies specifically to situations of conflict.
Chris Voss writes in his book, Never Split the Difference that:
Most people approach a negotiation so preoccupied by the arguments that support their position that they are unable to listen attentively.
In one of the most cited research papers in psychology, George A. Miller persuasively put forth the idea that we can process only about seven pieces of information in our conscious mind at any given moment.
In other words, we are easily overwhelmed.
Chris, who in a previous life, was an FBI negotiator, took this to the next level by including up to 5 individuals during FBI stand-offs to listen for clues, and gauge the mood or vibe of the situation.
To have empathy, conscious listening is crucial. This focused listening shows a willingness to be understanding of the other person.
Slow down, shut down any distractions, and visualize yourself in the other person’s shoes.
As Chris describes later in the same book:
In any negotiation, it’s not how well you speak but how well you listen that determines your success.
Understanding the “other” is a precondition to be able to speak persuasively and develop options that resonate for them.
Key takeaway: How can you improve your listening? When do these situations arise for you and how can you focus on what the other person is saying?
🗞 One article
Reject the algorithm
What have you done in life that you really didn’t want to do? When have you followed a popular “trend” because that’s what everyone else was doing?
Nick Maggiulli (who usually writes about personal finance) starts by describing the story of the band Warrant and their song Cherry Pie. Lead singer, Jani Lane, reluctantly wrote this song because their music label requested they have a “power ballad” single for their new album.
Lane later regretted writing that song for the rest of his life.
Nick then goes further into the reasoning for rejecting the algorithm — ie. rejecting who you aren’t / rejecting what’s popular.
If there’s one piece of the article to leave with you, it’s this:
We’ve become obedient to algorithms.
But this goes beyond content creators on Twitter and YouTube. Following the algorithm pervades our society. It’s when you take a career in consulting or banking because your college classmates did so. It’s when you invest in a new cryptocurrency or tech stock because it’s popular. Ultimately, it’s when you let others shape your life instead of building your own.
…the algorithm will make you do things that you don’t really want to do. It will make you work a job that you hate or write “Cherry Pie” or consume 10,000 calories on camera.
But is that who you really are? Is that who you want to be?
Click here for the rest of the fantastic, thought-provoking post.
Thanks for reading week’s issue of my Sunday Reset.
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Hope to see you again soon 😊,